Train - Drops of Jupiter

I have experienced a few self-realisations today. Nothing too profound, but enough to make me think about my interest in learning new things, my relationship with The Mister and how different people experience the same thing in different ways.

Sitting in our front room this evening, watching Wonders of the Universe, Mum, Dad, The Brother and I were listening to Prof. Brian Cox talk about entropy and what that means. It reminded me that I used to know some of this stuff once upon a time, and rekindled the dying embers of interest I once had about thermodynamics and how they relate to the entire universe. Mum and Dad were interested for a few minutes but started to zone out as it's not their particular subject of interest. Fair enough, people like different things.

But it made me think about how, if I was watching the programme with The Mister, we would be sparking off conversations with each other, moving the topic on with a shoot off about some other branch of science because we're both interested in it. It made me remember that we're together not just because we've spent our entire adult lives together and that's just the way things are, but because we share a love of just... thinking shit up. Because we're passionate about similar things. I won't say the same things because I was always (well, thought I was) more interested in biology and biochemistry (of course a different self-realisation made me acutely aware that I'd wasted my degree on science when I was always more a lover of arts) whereas The Mister is more interested in physics and engineering, how and why things work, the order and structure of what makes things exist.

When I was writing my Happy Anniversary card on Saturday, I was trying to think of a list of reasons why I love The Mister and why we work. I didn't think deeply enough to even consider stuff like this. We work because we are interested in SIMILAR things, not the same things. Like, we'll have discussions (that yeah, sometimes get heated. Not in a malicious way, in a passionate way) for hours that will be borne out of watching a documentary (we both love docus! Nerdylicious huh) and one of us will make a comment and the other will say "well actually, I see it *this* way". And usually it will broaden both our minds. We teach each other to have a different perspective on the components of the world, be it in a psychological, scientific, artistic, political or sociological way. I think it's things like this that mean we'll still be debating when we're 83. We won't fizzle out because we'll always be hungry to know something new and want to know how the other one sees it.

I shied away from persuing the arts because it was drummed into me that there were more jobs in science and since I have the intelligence to do either, I should choose science. I always think that the arts make me happier but I didn't go for it because they are a lot of essays, and I didn't always feel... articulate enough to properly describe what something means, the feeling and emotion in it. Which I think sometimes is where my Doom comes into play. I am a very emotional and sensitive person but feel like I can't articulate the masses of emotion and worries and doubts and joy and happiness and angst and sadness that goes on in the space between my ears. I tell myself I let myself down because I chose a degree that was science-based when I should've picked a language or music, but really, I just love learning All The Things! If I could, I would spend all my time learning everything there is. In the woooorld. Which ultimately means I don't have my niche, my one obsession, my true intellectual love. I am far too interested in too many subjects and could choose any of them to persue and would probably do quite well in any field but too choose just one subject? Out of everything in the universe that I could possibly want to investigate? Not a chance. Hence the B.A. (Hons) Open degree I have enrolled onto. I can choose pretty well any subject I feel like learning and get a degree at the end. Win.

Which is why I just don't "get" when some people just want to stick to one field of knowledge. But I suppose I will probably end up being a "jack of all trades, master of none". I don't know if I'm okay with that.