Celine Dion - All By Myself

After being so bored at work I was actually contemplating using one of these methods, I decided I should write a blog about Shit That Happens At Work While I'm Staring Out Of The Window.

I work part-time in a little shop on a retail village/shopping centre/whatever they're called now to make it sound more grand than 20 shops, a cafe and a car park built on some old waste ground in 1995. Now, I get to see some funny stuff from the ideal vantage point behind my till, as the shop I work in is right at the front entrance of the complex.

Here are a couple of things that have happened today that made me Do A Laugh. Now, it may or may not be funny, but when you're working on a grey Wednesday afternoon in a shop where most of the items are £99 and no one actually *has* a hundred quid spare to spend on frivolities anymore thanks to This Man *, you gotta take your amusement where you can.


It just took 2 security staff to retrieve a can of Fanta from the vending machine for a woman with the biggest boobies in the world. A stout grey man has also just lost his money and gained no Diet Coke, but there is no one around to help him now. Bless him and his lack of hot boobies and tight skirt.

~

Dear Mr. Stout Shopper

I know you think no one was looking when you walked past the shop and fell over nothing at all, looked around, sighed with relief and continuted your walk, but I want you to know watching you fall over followed by hearing All By Myself come on over the tannoy whilst you walk away all bashful and shamefaced has made my day and a little bit of wee came out.

love from Emmy xxx

~

 

Dear Septegenarian Lady With A Walnut Face and Peroxide Perm,

You look like you've had a fight with Bet Gilroy and Katie Price in a paint factory.

Wash your face, this is the North of England, not Vegas.

Kind regards,
Emmy xxx

~

A man just came into the shop with the most epic moustache ever, it looked like this ^ ^ and it was blonde and grey and white and ginger. I tried so hard to get a photo of him and failed, but that's okay cos I did this completely life-like artist's rendition of his entire face. It's uncanny.

~

I've just realised that these things were the most interesting things about my day and that's quite sad. FML.