Sara Bareilles - Love Song

More shop shenanigans!

Someone just asked me what time the postman empties the postbox. He couldn't understand why I didn't know. I asked what it says on the postbox and he told me 4pm Wednesday. Ooh, I wonder what time the postbox is emptied then?! BUY SOMETHING OR GET OUT!!

I work in a shop that sells coats and as well as the postbox debacle, I have also been asked:

*How to get to the market (er, you're in a shopping outlet village, do you think I would tell you how to shop somewhere else?!)

*Which bus goes into the town centre (I haven't ridden a bus since 2004 and tried to explain I'm a motorist but that didn't deter them "Well surely you *must* know if you live round here?" Nope, I still don't know 15 seconds after you last asked me.)

* Which size coat should I buy when I've lost this 3 stone I need to shift? (*headdesk*)

Robbie Williams - Strong

Working in a shop that doesn't have many customers, you find little ways to entertain yourself. Mainly through people watching or generally spying on what's going on out of the windows, in the freedom that is Being Outside The Shop Of Doom. It's not that bad, really, just a bit boring. Here's how I entertained myself this week:

1.) Watching a seagull that appeared to be shaking its butt along to Hit Me Baby One More Time (we have the most up-to-date music playing over the tannoy at our shopping centre, clearly)

2.) The faulty vending machine at work strikes again! Some poor bastard lost his money. I'm beginning to think there aren't really any ice cold drinks in there at all...
^ This is the real reason The Coca-Cola Company are so rich...(!)

3.) Making a cat out of a bag (and somewhat misquoting an idiom there), some tickets and general stationery:

MIAOW!

4.) Tweeting about fashion mishaps I've seen: @emmylou1602 Dear shopper, Double denim doesn't work. It especially doesn't work when the top and bottom are different colours. And when you're pulling the jeans out of your arsecrack? Not the best look ever. Team that with you leaning forward like Quasimodo cos you can't balance on your wedgey heels and you have a disaster. #sadtimes

5.) Blogging. Yes, I manage to blog at work from my phone. Naughty naughty. I would care but it's one of the only things that keeps me sane as I'm standing doing nothing for five hours, waiting for customers.

6.) Being a bit of a psychopath. Here's one of my Facebook statuses (statii?!): "[emmylou1602] would happily scalp someone for a peppermint latte right now. I think they have catnip for Emmys in or something."

Queen - Breakthru

Working in a shop and watching/listening to The General Public never fails to amuse me. Some of the things people do and say... just bizarre. Here are a few more gems to celebrate:

Letters to The General Public in a shopping village

Dear Pervy Old Man,



You've got no chance. Pay attention to who seems to be your long suffering wife instead.

lots of love
...A kick in the nuts,
Emmy xxx

Dear Supermodel-wannabe-who just-glided-past,


I get that you think you're the dogs bollocks, which is why you're wearing a crop top and hotpants in April, but your infected bellybutton ring really isn't sexy.

love, Emmy.
PS. You have eyeliner on your chin.

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And the award for Creepiest Guy at a Shopping Village goes to: the Hannibal Lecter doppelganger who stood outside the shop with a sinister grin on his face for about 10 minutes *shudders*


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